Well I really wanted to go out tonight with tasha but im now all of a sudden scared of going outside 1 half wants to go the other refuses too so i didnt go out with tasha and her mates *gutted* its really hard for me to get confidence and bulid it up to do the most simplist of things like Going on a bus on my own I did that the other day I felt so proud of myself 
So now I have to figure out how im goin to get past this really sad and unwanted fear of going outside I am trying to find out now what has suddenly caused this trouble? something is going on in my head and I didnt understand what it is I can only think of the scissor incident in school which has caused this… problem to off spring.. so.. I dunno really what to do..
Spoke to ryan on msn/nt about it since hes 24 and i talk better with a adult then some 14yr old lol (no offence if your 14) I must fix this problem its all in my mind and its only just started to play games recently if i dont do nothing about it its only gonna get worse tasha will dump me if i dont do fuck all about it.. so i must think of a way.. i need to talk to tasha about this
{again im sorry about my spelling/typing/punchu/etc its my blog i do what i want with it }
On a much more possitive note, I finished my 4 page CV today new design more info and skills ect so proud of work like that, I started typing my portfolio up too jus need to charge batterys up for camera to take pics of my server and pc and modded xbox and any other little projects 
Rather long isnt it? Well thinking about how to tell and explain to tasha how i feel im gonna link her up to my blog so she can read how i feel 1st before i talk to her.. I think she knows I love her.. I hope.. but tbh i am probably the worst bf ever ok I dont cheat or anything but whats fun in a bf thats scared to go outside?? Pafitic (sp?) but I know how upset she was tonight and i hate myself for it.
ok maybe not the worst bf.. I take her out to cinema.. care about her.. do anything to help her. when i can.. im not lazy at all if something is urgant and she need help or W.e im there or try to be ok bit slow on txting but I never know what to say i could send the same txt everyday i love tasha alot.. ok age is a problem.. but not that much 3 yrs is nothing right?
And thinking about it.. im ok when theres not too many people around me.. so if it jus me and tasha i could go out.. going out down the pub is not the ideal place for me.. too many people!!!!! i go dead quite and feel unsafe.. soo i need so work this out now.. i dont goto pubs but i'll drink say at home or out somewhere just not pubs 
sooo thta means i have a problem with loads of people about 4+ that really bollocks things up FUCK.
Need to work on this one or im gonna lose tasha if im not careful.
Thanks for reading make a comment or something lol
Tom.
Posted by Tom Parker / Boring and Computers and Emotional and Love and Milestones and Rants
urgh no fair i need £££ – college i need to sort – server with homenet.loc domain I need to sort lol so many things! 